This is not an official NBC, or Jay Leno thing. It is simply a bloggers attempt to see how many of you want Jay to STAY or GO. So please leave you answer, and please remember this is a ministry bog, and it is not acceptable to use filthy words. Thanks for remaining pleasant and clean in your responses. A simple YES of NO is all that's needed, but a brief response along with the YES or NO is acceptable.
Pastor Paul
This blog site is brought to you by Rev. Paul G. Zimmer, II. Paul is the author of two books: Prodigal Daze[his fight with demonic oppression to overcome his addiction to sexual sin and porn. His second book is Thorn Daze: his struggle to gain victory of the suffering and pain caused by an injury while on the job. He had to learn to life with the pain, both physical and emotional, and with God's help he has learned to live with the pain, and accept the fact that God doesn't heal everyone.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Friday, June 15, 2007
A Tribute Prayer for Ruth Graham...
Even though I have a heavy heart for Billy (Graham) and the family at this time of loss, I know they are rejoicing in their grief, as am I, because death has no longer has its "sting" when it comes to the believer.
Truly, my brother (Billy) will miss his beloved helpmate, but, he knows all to well that the portal of death is the necessary step to enter into the "blessed hope" for all believers in Jesus Christ. He knows all too well that one day he too will cross over to glory and rejoin Ruth, and for this hope we all rejoice with Billy and his family.
Father - I thank you for the promise of life after death. I thank you that when a servant leaves this world for Glory we, who are born-again, can all rejoice knowing that one day we too will take our last breath on earth and open our eyes to the glory of heaven. Be with Billy and his family. Give them peace. Give them comfort. And strengthen their personal hope and eternal resolve at this time of loss of a cherished loved one. All heaven is rejoicing for another saint, in her work on earth, has come full circle. We ask that you draw ever so close to their sides, and allow their personal faith in You to bring them through this loss with an increased faith that the day of reunion in glory for families and friends saved by grace is nearer with each beat of the human heart. Thank you Jesus for your death, resurrection, and sacrifice so we could return to the Father who sent you to die for us. Amen!!!
Pastor Paul
Truly, my brother (Billy) will miss his beloved helpmate, but, he knows all to well that the portal of death is the necessary step to enter into the "blessed hope" for all believers in Jesus Christ. He knows all too well that one day he too will cross over to glory and rejoin Ruth, and for this hope we all rejoice with Billy and his family.
Father - I thank you for the promise of life after death. I thank you that when a servant leaves this world for Glory we, who are born-again, can all rejoice knowing that one day we too will take our last breath on earth and open our eyes to the glory of heaven. Be with Billy and his family. Give them peace. Give them comfort. And strengthen their personal hope and eternal resolve at this time of loss of a cherished loved one. All heaven is rejoicing for another saint, in her work on earth, has come full circle. We ask that you draw ever so close to their sides, and allow their personal faith in You to bring them through this loss with an increased faith that the day of reunion in glory for families and friends saved by grace is nearer with each beat of the human heart. Thank you Jesus for your death, resurrection, and sacrifice so we could return to the Father who sent you to die for us. Amen!!!
Pastor Paul
Monday, May 21, 2007
Sexual Sin: The Spiritual Wedge of Separation
Greetings My Brothers In the Lord,
Because "I've been there and done that" I can speak to you from the heart of experience. My past sins are nothing to be proud of, or grounds to boast upon. The plain truth is, I screwed up my walk with the Lord once I crossed over that line in the sand moving into the dark world of porn and sexual sin.
My (first) marriage was nearing its end. My ex-wife was in Texas visiting her parents more than she was in the house we once called home. Our attempts at marriage counseling failed because she claimed the therapist was siding with me (he was a male). In order to appease her, and get her back into counseling, I suggested we request a female counselor, and she wholeheartedly agreed.
This round of marital counseling went several weeks, and again she found fault with the counselor. Her accusation was that the counselor and I were flirting with each other, and the counselor was once again taking my side.
After a handful of counseling sessions, I raised the white flag up the pole, and it was now only a matter of time before the divorce papers would become a reality. This was sad, because we had two children, nearly ten years of marriage, and I was on the fast track to be ordained by the Church of God-Anderson , Indiana.
The fact that we had no sexual contact for almost two years (prior to our final separation), and I was simply "horny". led me break my vows to her and God when I turned to those adult video stores and massage parlors. I don't want you to think my morphing from child of God to pervert was easy...in actuality it was filled with guilt, because I knew I was to live a Holy life, and this was not the grounds for Holy living...
I am not going to blame my ex for driving me to this sexual sin, because I knew the difference between right and wrong according to God's will for my life. It was simply my flesh taking control (a spiritual coup) of the temple within me, and crossing that line in the sand, time after time.
A little note to all of you who are dabbling with the dark side...it grows easier and easier to commit sexual sin with each response to its beckoning call. What I needed was an ear that I could turn to and confess. I needed someone with the fellowship that I could share my sin with and get help getting beyond this point in life. Sadly, I had no one to turn to, because I knew within my heart that no one would understand. I feared judgment, :poke: where I needed love. So down the path I ran. I ran so fast into the arms of my new lover (porn and sexual sin), that I couldn't stop to take a look back at what I was leaving.
Like the prodigal son, I cashed out from my Father, and went to do my sin on my own bidding. As I look back, I thought for sure that my Father would have fought harder for me to stay, and I was surprised to see how He let me go.
I guess that adage is true: "If you truly love someone, let them go, and if it were meant to be, they'd return." God let me head south, knowing I'd be back, and He'd be waiting with a ring and robe in hand...
I would return, in about 14 years, but there has been tons of personal damage done by my sin. So much damage that I am, to this day, like an alcoholic who has to take it one-day-at-a-time. Sexual addiction took it's toll on my soul, and while I am forgiven, sexual sin and temptation remains the weakest link in my body armor. I have to live each day, cognizant of that repaired spot in my armor, and that means protecting it with prayer and keeping a vigilant, yet constant watch on that part in my armor.
This is the impetus behind my book Prodigal Daze (removethehaze.com), as well as the ministry my wife and I operate: Airlift Music:eusa_dance: Ministry. We want to help restore those who have been left for dead along side the road to Glory. We love to move in the ministry of restoration, because restoration is the key to getting men and women back on that narrow road to the even more narrow door which leads to heaven.
The final years of marriage to my ex led me to all kinds of sexual sin. Everything from Porn, to massage parlors, to actual pay for sex acts. As a pastor, and a believer in the Lord, I knew I had crossed that line in the sand, and in truth, I didn't see a chance for me to return. On top of that, the brothers that I finally confided in told me I was like a broken vessel that God would never be able to repair and use.
This drove me deeper into the abyss of sexual sin (because I wanted to drive a wedge between God and myself), and in a way it was okay with me: after all, wasn't it God's fault that this marriage went south? I was a man of God. A man with a definite calling on his ministry mantle, and God stood by and let this marriage go straight to hell. So if this marriage and divorce were sending me to hell, why not go in style? The sexual sin was filled with momentary pleasure, and each pleasure brought me to the point that I actually wanted more. My hunger for porn and subsequent sexual acts were leading me to thoughts about experimenting with homosexual sex acts. The temptation to experiment with gay sex came from the gay porn that I'd view in those booths. The longer I went to adult porn stores, the more hungry I grew to have different and more exciting sexual liaisons.
As you can clearly see, my innocent experimentation in the field of Porn 101 had led me to wanting to change my major in life from Religious studies to Sexual Addiction. This change in direction resulted in more risqué types of porn, and searching out people to experiment with.
My life was a mess, and it took my attempted suicide in April 1987 to shake me up and get me out of that lifestyle and back to God.
I can only hope that any of you who are dabbling with the thoughts of viewing porn (soft or hard core XXX) give it up and run back to the Father for forgiveness and restoration. Those of you having sex before marriage (fornication), or after (adultery), drop to your knees, repent, and rebuke the hold of the devil on your life. What ever momentary pleasure of self-gratification you may be enjoying now, will lead you down the path of spiritual self-destruction. The Scripture tells us that our sin causes the Spirit to grieve. Ephesians 4:30 - "And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God [do not offend or vex or sadden Him], by Whom you were sealed (marked, branded as God's own, secured) for the day of redemption (of final deliverance through Christ from evil and the consequences of sin)." The Amplified Bible.
If I had it to do all over again, knowing what I know now, I'd definitely do things different. So, pay heed to my life as an example of a life that went terribly wrong; and once it goes wrong in deed and action, it can never be like it was. None of those sinful pleasures has eternal good; just eternal bad. Today is the day of salvation (2 Corinthians 6:2 - For He says, In the time of favor (of an assured welcome) I have listened to and heeded your call, and I have helped you on the day of deliverance (the day of salvation). Behold, now is truly the time for a gracious welcome and acceptance [of you from God]; behold, now is the day of salvation!"
Selah and Shalom,
Pastor Paul
Because "I've been there and done that" I can speak to you from the heart of experience. My past sins are nothing to be proud of, or grounds to boast upon. The plain truth is, I screwed up my walk with the Lord once I crossed over that line in the sand moving into the dark world of porn and sexual sin.
My (first) marriage was nearing its end. My ex-wife was in Texas visiting her parents more than she was in the house we once called home. Our attempts at marriage counseling failed because she claimed the therapist was siding with me (he was a male). In order to appease her, and get her back into counseling, I suggested we request a female counselor, and she wholeheartedly agreed.
This round of marital counseling went several weeks, and again she found fault with the counselor. Her accusation was that the counselor and I were flirting with each other, and the counselor was once again taking my side.
After a handful of counseling sessions, I raised the white flag up the pole, and it was now only a matter of time before the divorce papers would become a reality. This was sad, because we had two children, nearly ten years of marriage, and I was on the fast track to be ordained by the Church of God-Anderson , Indiana.
The fact that we had no sexual contact for almost two years (prior to our final separation), and I was simply "horny". led me break my vows to her and God when I turned to those adult video stores and massage parlors. I don't want you to think my morphing from child of God to pervert was easy...in actuality it was filled with guilt, because I knew I was to live a Holy life, and this was not the grounds for Holy living...
I am not going to blame my ex for driving me to this sexual sin, because I knew the difference between right and wrong according to God's will for my life. It was simply my flesh taking control (a spiritual coup) of the temple within me, and crossing that line in the sand, time after time.
A little note to all of you who are dabbling with the dark side...it grows easier and easier to commit sexual sin with each response to its beckoning call. What I needed was an ear that I could turn to and confess. I needed someone with the fellowship that I could share my sin with and get help getting beyond this point in life. Sadly, I had no one to turn to, because I knew within my heart that no one would understand. I feared judgment, :poke: where I needed love. So down the path I ran. I ran so fast into the arms of my new lover (porn and sexual sin), that I couldn't stop to take a look back at what I was leaving.
Like the prodigal son, I cashed out from my Father, and went to do my sin on my own bidding. As I look back, I thought for sure that my Father would have fought harder for me to stay, and I was surprised to see how He let me go.
I guess that adage is true: "If you truly love someone, let them go, and if it were meant to be, they'd return." God let me head south, knowing I'd be back, and He'd be waiting with a ring and robe in hand...
I would return, in about 14 years, but there has been tons of personal damage done by my sin. So much damage that I am, to this day, like an alcoholic who has to take it one-day-at-a-time. Sexual addiction took it's toll on my soul, and while I am forgiven, sexual sin and temptation remains the weakest link in my body armor. I have to live each day, cognizant of that repaired spot in my armor, and that means protecting it with prayer and keeping a vigilant, yet constant watch on that part in my armor.
This is the impetus behind my book Prodigal Daze (removethehaze.com), as well as the ministry my wife and I operate: Airlift Music:eusa_dance: Ministry. We want to help restore those who have been left for dead along side the road to Glory. We love to move in the ministry of restoration, because restoration is the key to getting men and women back on that narrow road to the even more narrow door which leads to heaven.
The final years of marriage to my ex led me to all kinds of sexual sin. Everything from Porn, to massage parlors, to actual pay for sex acts. As a pastor, and a believer in the Lord, I knew I had crossed that line in the sand, and in truth, I didn't see a chance for me to return. On top of that, the brothers that I finally confided in told me I was like a broken vessel that God would never be able to repair and use.
This drove me deeper into the abyss of sexual sin (because I wanted to drive a wedge between God and myself), and in a way it was okay with me: after all, wasn't it God's fault that this marriage went south? I was a man of God. A man with a definite calling on his ministry mantle, and God stood by and let this marriage go straight to hell. So if this marriage and divorce were sending me to hell, why not go in style? The sexual sin was filled with momentary pleasure, and each pleasure brought me to the point that I actually wanted more. My hunger for porn and subsequent sexual acts were leading me to thoughts about experimenting with homosexual sex acts. The temptation to experiment with gay sex came from the gay porn that I'd view in those booths. The longer I went to adult porn stores, the more hungry I grew to have different and more exciting sexual liaisons.
As you can clearly see, my innocent experimentation in the field of Porn 101 had led me to wanting to change my major in life from Religious studies to Sexual Addiction. This change in direction resulted in more risqué types of porn, and searching out people to experiment with.
My life was a mess, and it took my attempted suicide in April 1987 to shake me up and get me out of that lifestyle and back to God.
I can only hope that any of you who are dabbling with the thoughts of viewing porn (soft or hard core XXX) give it up and run back to the Father for forgiveness and restoration. Those of you having sex before marriage (fornication), or after (adultery), drop to your knees, repent, and rebuke the hold of the devil on your life. What ever momentary pleasure of self-gratification you may be enjoying now, will lead you down the path of spiritual self-destruction. The Scripture tells us that our sin causes the Spirit to grieve. Ephesians 4:30 - "And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God [do not offend or vex or sadden Him], by Whom you were sealed (marked, branded as God's own, secured) for the day of redemption (of final deliverance through Christ from evil and the consequences of sin)." The Amplified Bible.
If I had it to do all over again, knowing what I know now, I'd definitely do things different. So, pay heed to my life as an example of a life that went terribly wrong; and once it goes wrong in deed and action, it can never be like it was. None of those sinful pleasures has eternal good; just eternal bad. Today is the day of salvation (2 Corinthians 6:2 - For He says, In the time of favor (of an assured welcome) I have listened to and heeded your call, and I have helped you on the day of deliverance (the day of salvation). Behold, now is truly the time for a gracious welcome and acceptance [of you from God]; behold, now is the day of salvation!"
Selah and Shalom,
Pastor Paul
Friday, May 18, 2007
Living With Pain: Trusting God
My Fellow-Sojourners in the War to Defeat Sin, Satan and Physical Pain:
I was playing hooking from church this past Sunday, as I have been experiencing "severe" pain for several straight days (which is not in any way unusual). The pain was that kind that stared straight into my eyes, and laughed at my attempt to quash it with morphine. In fact, there are times that the spirit of severe pain, not only laughs-out-loud, but, yells: "You foolish mortal."
If you don't mind, I'd like to explain and compare my pain to my fellowship with Jesus. Just when I think I've obtained that illusive pinnacle of spiritual growth and standing in His Kingdom on earth, He (God) quickly quashes my spiritual pride which humbles me where I stand. This humbling experience sends me running back to the Bible and kicking down the throttle of revival like prayer.Well this is how pain is...just when I think I've experienced the very worst possible pain, the spirit of suffering comes rushing back at me; gets into my face: and as we look deep into each others eyes, it becomes abundantly clear that this new round of neurological pain is simply another front in the battle to survive. It is at that percise moment that I realize there is so much more (pain) in store for me in the days to come.
This type of physical pain and suffering truly tests my faith, and candidly speaking, it humbles me and tends to shake the dead leaves of the limbs of my tree of faith. Remember, this tree of faith is a tree that flourishes with faith and hope. However, physical set backs make it abundantly clear that the renewed spirit of pain and suffering has once again shown me that the best is yet to come....and this is the only answer I have for the raging pain that comes back after two or three days of respite.
Unfortunately, I have resigned myself to living with pain...because everything else I've tried, which includes: faith healers; prayers of recognised prophets and pastors; and anointing with oil. the truth is, I can't even tell you how many times I've been anointed and prayed over, but, let's just say this: I've had so much oil placed on the forehead, the top of head, and other points of my body, that I shouldn't have buy oil for my car again.
Don't get me wrong. I remain strong even though the intensity of the pain grows, and like Paul, I will not let this thorn keep me from the work of the Gospel...And just like the Apostle Paul, I have resigned myself to simply ask God for His grace to sustain me through the worst of it, while I give Him praise for those small times of respite and remission.
Still, life isn't fair, but, God did promise that He'd not test any of us beyond our limits, and I believe this with all my heart. Over the years, I've learned to remind Him, when the pain rages out of control like a wildfire being blown by the wind, that the test/pain feels like it's reached that point where you promised to not allow it to breach. This allows me to testify that when I remind Him of this promise He does relieve the pain, making it more tolerable.
Praise the Lord, Selah !! Jehovah Rapha, my God the Healer...never fails, even though He has chosen to not remove (heal) this thorn.So, my fellow believers in Jesus, when it comes to pain, the best is yet to come...because each day brings me closer to the portals of death; and those portals will lead me into a land of eternal peace. That portal will lead me to a place where God gives me a glorified body; a body that will know no pain, heartache, or fear. I'm pretty confident that there will be no pain in heaven, and it is that confidence that keeps me moving forward.
Selah and Shalom,
I was playing hooking from church this past Sunday, as I have been experiencing "severe" pain for several straight days (which is not in any way unusual). The pain was that kind that stared straight into my eyes, and laughed at my attempt to quash it with morphine. In fact, there are times that the spirit of severe pain, not only laughs-out-loud, but, yells: "You foolish mortal."
If you don't mind, I'd like to explain and compare my pain to my fellowship with Jesus. Just when I think I've obtained that illusive pinnacle of spiritual growth and standing in His Kingdom on earth, He (God) quickly quashes my spiritual pride which humbles me where I stand. This humbling experience sends me running back to the Bible and kicking down the throttle of revival like prayer.Well this is how pain is...just when I think I've experienced the very worst possible pain, the spirit of suffering comes rushing back at me; gets into my face: and as we look deep into each others eyes, it becomes abundantly clear that this new round of neurological pain is simply another front in the battle to survive. It is at that percise moment that I realize there is so much more (pain) in store for me in the days to come.
This type of physical pain and suffering truly tests my faith, and candidly speaking, it humbles me and tends to shake the dead leaves of the limbs of my tree of faith. Remember, this tree of faith is a tree that flourishes with faith and hope. However, physical set backs make it abundantly clear that the renewed spirit of pain and suffering has once again shown me that the best is yet to come....and this is the only answer I have for the raging pain that comes back after two or three days of respite.
Unfortunately, I have resigned myself to living with pain...because everything else I've tried, which includes: faith healers; prayers of recognised prophets and pastors; and anointing with oil. the truth is, I can't even tell you how many times I've been anointed and prayed over, but, let's just say this: I've had so much oil placed on the forehead, the top of head, and other points of my body, that I shouldn't have buy oil for my car again.
Don't get me wrong. I remain strong even though the intensity of the pain grows, and like Paul, I will not let this thorn keep me from the work of the Gospel...And just like the Apostle Paul, I have resigned myself to simply ask God for His grace to sustain me through the worst of it, while I give Him praise for those small times of respite and remission.
Still, life isn't fair, but, God did promise that He'd not test any of us beyond our limits, and I believe this with all my heart. Over the years, I've learned to remind Him, when the pain rages out of control like a wildfire being blown by the wind, that the test/pain feels like it's reached that point where you promised to not allow it to breach. This allows me to testify that when I remind Him of this promise He does relieve the pain, making it more tolerable.
Praise the Lord, Selah !! Jehovah Rapha, my God the Healer...never fails, even though He has chosen to not remove (heal) this thorn.So, my fellow believers in Jesus, when it comes to pain, the best is yet to come...because each day brings me closer to the portals of death; and those portals will lead me into a land of eternal peace. That portal will lead me to a place where God gives me a glorified body; a body that will know no pain, heartache, or fear. I'm pretty confident that there will be no pain in heaven, and it is that confidence that keeps me moving forward.
Selah and Shalom,
Thursday, January 11, 2007
In the Army Now
My personal anxiety grew to a fever pitch, as I stared out the window of the bus, and the closer we came to our arrival point, the more knotted my stomach was. I was so wound that I jumped out of my skin when a guy from the other side of the aisle yelled out that he could see barracks. Sure enough, as I looked out that side of the bus I too could make out the silhouette of barracks and military vehicles through the darkness and fog. Within a matter of minutes of that discovery, we were surrounded by an endless number of barracks and military buildings.
As we drove down narrow streets dimly lit by the sparsely placed street lights, I was able to make out some of the signs in front of the buildings. There was a commissary, base hospital, Judge Advocate General's Office, and numerous mess halls. As the speed of the bus decreased, to a crawl, the sound of its diesel engines were whining even louder, which added to my anxiety as I knew we were within minutes of disembarking the safe confines of the bus, and my personal nightmare would be set in motion.
My stomach had twisted itself up in so many knots that a nausea feeling crept over me as the screeching sound of the bus's airbrakes signaled we had arrived. We had finally pulled into an area that was so well lit that the coastal fog was driven back to the sea. As we sat in the bus, the mood of those around me was rather subdues, and almost somber. It was apparent that no one was looking forward to getting off the bus that morning.
As I looked out the window of the bus, I couldn't help but see the same large banner that many of the others were already looking at. On my side of the bus, stretched between two light poles, was a bright red sign with large white letters that welcomed us to the United States Army Reception Station at Fort Ord, California. I finally knew where we were going, because the sign was quite informative. To this day, I still don't understand why our destination had to be so secretive. After we arrived we knew where we were, and eventually we would be letting our families know where we were. All the cloak-and-dagger leading up to our arrival at Fort Ord made no sense; unless the army was afraid, the enemies of this country would commandeer our bus, and take us hostage.
Whatever, we were there, and though we were left sitting on the bus for another fifteen to twenty minutes, once those two foul mouth drill sergeants came aboard the bus a spirit of intimidation came with them. They began shouting, cussing, and pulling guys out of their seats. Their objective to have all of us get off of bus could have been better accomplished without all of the colorful language, and physical intimidation. It became quite apparent that these guys did not intend to warmly welcome us to the U.S. Army.
Actually, the street language they used to describe our mothers, and our physical and mental potentials, were new to my limited and often sheltered vocabulary. To be honest, if their intention was to intimidate and offend, they deserved a passing grade. From where I sat, all I could see were the bodies of scared young men being physically pushed and tossed off of the bus, so, as they approached where I was sitting, I prepared to jump up and run off that bus, because that's what they seemed to want.
The nightmare of military service had just begun. What happened on the bus a few minutes earlier was tame in comparison to what came next. We were ordered to stand at attention, while another sergeant exited the only building we could see due to the bright lights shining down in our faces. This guy was even larger than the first two that yelled, yanked, and kicked us off the bus. He must have been the head sergeant, because he stood before us, and read us the riot act. I was amused with the thought that maybe these guys were angry for having to get up so early in the morning and greet us. But in the midst of my self amusement, I watched in horror as a sergeant grabbed one recruit by the neck and asked him to tell the group why he was smiling. Any thought of smiling, or smirking was quickly eradicated from my mind.
Of course, when you try not to laugh or smile, the human mind, at that time of the morning, will work against your best efforts, and pretty soon more than half of the group had cracked smiles, and some were even laughing, This only caused "Sergeant Gorilla" to become totally enraged, but because one guys smile had become a case of infectious mass hysteria, all he could do was make us do a hundred push ups while he ranted and raved something about respecting our leaders.
The above blog is taken from Chapter 3 of Prodigal Daze. Prodigal Daze can be purchased exclusively at www.buy.com of www.barnesandnoble.com under my name: Rev. Paul G. Zimmer, II. Thanks for your support....:)
As we drove down narrow streets dimly lit by the sparsely placed street lights, I was able to make out some of the signs in front of the buildings. There was a commissary, base hospital, Judge Advocate General's Office, and numerous mess halls. As the speed of the bus decreased, to a crawl, the sound of its diesel engines were whining even louder, which added to my anxiety as I knew we were within minutes of disembarking the safe confines of the bus, and my personal nightmare would be set in motion.
My stomach had twisted itself up in so many knots that a nausea feeling crept over me as the screeching sound of the bus's airbrakes signaled we had arrived. We had finally pulled into an area that was so well lit that the coastal fog was driven back to the sea. As we sat in the bus, the mood of those around me was rather subdues, and almost somber. It was apparent that no one was looking forward to getting off the bus that morning.
As I looked out the window of the bus, I couldn't help but see the same large banner that many of the others were already looking at. On my side of the bus, stretched between two light poles, was a bright red sign with large white letters that welcomed us to the United States Army Reception Station at Fort Ord, California. I finally knew where we were going, because the sign was quite informative. To this day, I still don't understand why our destination had to be so secretive. After we arrived we knew where we were, and eventually we would be letting our families know where we were. All the cloak-and-dagger leading up to our arrival at Fort Ord made no sense; unless the army was afraid, the enemies of this country would commandeer our bus, and take us hostage.
Whatever, we were there, and though we were left sitting on the bus for another fifteen to twenty minutes, once those two foul mouth drill sergeants came aboard the bus a spirit of intimidation came with them. They began shouting, cussing, and pulling guys out of their seats. Their objective to have all of us get off of bus could have been better accomplished without all of the colorful language, and physical intimidation. It became quite apparent that these guys did not intend to warmly welcome us to the U.S. Army.
Actually, the street language they used to describe our mothers, and our physical and mental potentials, were new to my limited and often sheltered vocabulary. To be honest, if their intention was to intimidate and offend, they deserved a passing grade. From where I sat, all I could see were the bodies of scared young men being physically pushed and tossed off of the bus, so, as they approached where I was sitting, I prepared to jump up and run off that bus, because that's what they seemed to want.
The nightmare of military service had just begun. What happened on the bus a few minutes earlier was tame in comparison to what came next. We were ordered to stand at attention, while another sergeant exited the only building we could see due to the bright lights shining down in our faces. This guy was even larger than the first two that yelled, yanked, and kicked us off the bus. He must have been the head sergeant, because he stood before us, and read us the riot act. I was amused with the thought that maybe these guys were angry for having to get up so early in the morning and greet us. But in the midst of my self amusement, I watched in horror as a sergeant grabbed one recruit by the neck and asked him to tell the group why he was smiling. Any thought of smiling, or smirking was quickly eradicated from my mind.
Of course, when you try not to laugh or smile, the human mind, at that time of the morning, will work against your best efforts, and pretty soon more than half of the group had cracked smiles, and some were even laughing, This only caused "Sergeant Gorilla" to become totally enraged, but because one guys smile had become a case of infectious mass hysteria, all he could do was make us do a hundred push ups while he ranted and raved something about respecting our leaders.
The above blog is taken from Chapter 3 of Prodigal Daze. Prodigal Daze can be purchased exclusively at www.buy.com of www.barnesandnoble.com under my name: Rev. Paul G. Zimmer, II. Thanks for your support....:)
Monday, December 25, 2006
Learning to Live With Real Pain
Up until 1986, I never knew any kind of physical pain and suffering. I was a physically active person, enjoying pick up basketball games; touch football; and softball. I was even an adult basketball league referee. That was all about to change during my week long training in LA. I had just started my first job with the State of California Department of Vocational Rehabilitation in August, and the first training class I was assigned to attend was in Los Angeles at a hotel a few blocks from LA International. The training included 5 days of intensive coursework regarding the physical anatomy and subsequent disabilities of humans. It was an interesting, but academically demanding course that would acquaint, train and equip new Rehab Counselors with a medical understanding about the human body, and how different chronic illnesses and injuries can permanently result in unexpected and unwanted traumatic changes in the life's of people. It just so happens that on the third day of the week long class, I was going to enter the world of disability in the first-person. To make this story short and to the point, I slipped and fell in the shower/bathtub that fateful morning, and that one accident resulted in a major injury to my lower back. This incident became the focal point in my life of pain and suffering. It changed my life on a forever basis. The injury, and its hold on my life would change everything about me not for just a short time, but forever. After five years of ever increasing pain and the eventual loss of feeling in my lower extremities, I had to undergo nearly 10 hours of back surgery and spinal fusion that would make things even worse than they were before I had this emergency surgery to keep me from being permanently incapacitated and paralysed. I can honestly say that maybe the paralyses would have been the easier route to travel, because the pain I've encountered since my slip-and-fall has only become more of an albatross than life itself. It resulted in my being forced to retire from state service in December 2000, and the pain and suffering; coupled with the financial losses made me a bitter and angry person for many years. Thus my days of living with Thorns had its birth in a LA hotel, at a training seminar that was supposed to train and equip me with the tools I'd need to help people through their emotional losses as a result of accidents and sickness. This is "Irony" at its best.
Friday, December 1, 2006
The Beginning
Early Days
My Christmas was blessed with the realization that I came to the understanding that my heart was empty because of sin. My trip to San Dimas Canyon on Christmas Eve was a trip that brought more than the sharing of gifts with my girlfriend.
After she shared with me my need to be Born Again, it was like a light went on within my dark cold soul. It was a light that brightly revealed the emptiness of my heart and life, and when she asked if I'd like to ask Jesus to come into my life, I jumped at the chance to have Him come into my life and change my heart.
What a Christmas gift I just received. It was a Christmas I'd never forget. Forty years later, I'm still thrilled with the joy of having Jesus come into my heart and changed the direction of my life.
The Calling
Later that evening, my girlfriend and I return to the campus of the century old Voorhos Mission in the hills of West Covina. We had both been there earlier that day, as I wanted to share with her the place I went to to find peace and solitude.
The mission was now locked down, and there were no people mulling around like earlier that afternoon. In a way it was spooky, as the mission was only lit by maybe five or six street lights.
As we drove through the campus, I was drawn by the need to go back to the sanctuary itself. The missions campus was built in a circular manner, and the street was a single lane, one way drive way. Of course the church itself was at the opposite end of the campus, so I drove slowly around the circular street, becoming more spooked by the eerie scenes being made by the shadows of very old California Oaks glistening in the light of December's full moon.
The blessings of this nights events were only in its infant stages, and as I slowly circled the mission's campus, my spiritual need to get to the church grew with each passing moment. What God had in store for me was special, and about to be revealed in the realm of the supernatural.
The Day After
The supernatural events that took place last night (12/24/1966) were unbelievable. So unbelievable, I spent the entire next day (Christmas) in quiet reflection. So much took place last night, that I would need time, lots of time, to digest everything that happened. The only thing I knew for sure about the things I went through at the mission's church and while I slept in my bed that night, was that yesterday at this time I was a nonbeliever; and today, well, I really believed in His power and ability to do the unexplainable.
I was sure of one thing know...God wanted me to serve Him in the ministry, and the things that unfold in the next 12 months only go to completely support the supernatural calling I was blessed to go through.
God was so real to me after what I experienced over the past ten hours, and I was now ready to the ends of the earth to follow Him and do His work here on earth.
Marriage and Divorce
You don't need to be a mind reader to know that I married the young lady that led me to Jesus on Christmas Eve 1966. The two of us were married in March 1967, and we officially ended our marriage in June 1977.
However, the years between brought forth two beautiful children. Paul (III) was born in July 1968, and Carrie was a March blessing in 1970. But, along with the joy of two beautiful children came the problems within our marriage which were no different than any other "Baby Boomer".
First of all, we married young. I was 20, and she was 16. Money was a mild to moderate concern with two young children coming so quickly in our marriage. But, the main problem was religion. While I went on to complete my BA in Religion, enter the ministry, and get closer to God: the light of my life went the other way. I was so consumed with studies, and than the demands of leading a congregation that I never noticed the subtle, but, ever increasing changes in our relationship. She actually wanted me to leave the minsitry, or she would leave me. I made a choice to stay in the minsitry, and she made good on her threat.
It was actually a surprise to me when she wanted a trial separation, in order to go out and drink and party with her friends from the bank where she was an assistant manager. It was frustrating, and the strain and stress of facing a divorce, and the potential fallout it would bring to my licensing and ordination process brought my world tumbling down.
When we finally split, and she filed for divorce, I was facing professional uncertainty, and at the request of my denomination's coordinator, I resigned my license, and ended my quest for ordination.
Anger consumed me. It ate away at what little faith in God I had remaining in my heart, and I turned my eyes towards self gratification through porn and hookers. It was no secret that the world of porn and paid for sex meant I didn't have to expose my heart to more potential hurt at the hands of another woman.
I knew this was wrong, according to God's word, but, at this time in my life, I felt God had deserted me, and I wanted to "get even" with Him while I put as much distance between Him and me.
Don't get me wrong. My experiments with porn and paid sex started at least a year before my marriage officially ended in 1976. While she was going home to her parents in Texas for long periods of time, I turned to the fleshly urges within, and allowed illicit sexual sin to get its foothold in my life. I was not a saint by any means...I was human, and that scared me more than anything else.
Just how could my life go so far from its initial calling? After all, I had the supernatural events of Christmas Eve to nail my faith to. I had the supernatural events that led to my being honorably discharged from the US Army, and keeping me from being sent to Viet Nam. I had the supernatural experience of seeing my college grades go from 1.57 in Junior College, to 3.88 at Azusa Pacific as I studied for the ministry. This supernatural turnaround in academic abilities was yet another sign from God that He had called me from out of the blue, and wanted me in the ministry. But marital failure was clouding my faith, and leading me down a dangerous path.
One would think that with all of these supernatural events unfolding in the course of my first tens years of spiritual life and marriage, that I'd be strong as a rock. To this day, I can't understand how the devil got such a strong hold of my heart, but he did, and now I was out on the street, so to speak, and starting a new life separate of God, my wife, my children, and the ministry I once knew I was called for.
*The Author of this Blog is REv. Paul G. Zimmer, II. Below are brief descriptions of his two current releases. If you like whatyou've read. go to the places lsited below to order your copies of the books.
Prodigal Daze outlines my call to the ministry; divorce; struggle with sexual sin and pornography; attempted suicide; and God's forgiveness and how He brought me back to His Kingdom and my return to the ministry.
Thorn Daze shares my battle to understand and live with multiple chronic diseases over the past 25 years. It shares my frustration with God in trying to get healed through applying the works of prosperity teaching to my life. I sadly discovered that while it is true that God does heal many believers, there are still those who carry thorn of pain and suffering throughout their life. And for these believers, God grants a lifetime of unconditional grace.
Both books are available on line at finer bookstores like BanresandNoble.com, Buy.com, or Amazon.com.
My Christmas was blessed with the realization that I came to the understanding that my heart was empty because of sin. My trip to San Dimas Canyon on Christmas Eve was a trip that brought more than the sharing of gifts with my girlfriend.
After she shared with me my need to be Born Again, it was like a light went on within my dark cold soul. It was a light that brightly revealed the emptiness of my heart and life, and when she asked if I'd like to ask Jesus to come into my life, I jumped at the chance to have Him come into my life and change my heart.
What a Christmas gift I just received. It was a Christmas I'd never forget. Forty years later, I'm still thrilled with the joy of having Jesus come into my heart and changed the direction of my life.
The Calling
Later that evening, my girlfriend and I return to the campus of the century old Voorhos Mission in the hills of West Covina. We had both been there earlier that day, as I wanted to share with her the place I went to to find peace and solitude.
The mission was now locked down, and there were no people mulling around like earlier that afternoon. In a way it was spooky, as the mission was only lit by maybe five or six street lights.
As we drove through the campus, I was drawn by the need to go back to the sanctuary itself. The missions campus was built in a circular manner, and the street was a single lane, one way drive way. Of course the church itself was at the opposite end of the campus, so I drove slowly around the circular street, becoming more spooked by the eerie scenes being made by the shadows of very old California Oaks glistening in the light of December's full moon.
The blessings of this nights events were only in its infant stages, and as I slowly circled the mission's campus, my spiritual need to get to the church grew with each passing moment. What God had in store for me was special, and about to be revealed in the realm of the supernatural.
The Day After
The supernatural events that took place last night (12/24/1966) were unbelievable. So unbelievable, I spent the entire next day (Christmas) in quiet reflection. So much took place last night, that I would need time, lots of time, to digest everything that happened. The only thing I knew for sure about the things I went through at the mission's church and while I slept in my bed that night, was that yesterday at this time I was a nonbeliever; and today, well, I really believed in His power and ability to do the unexplainable.
I was sure of one thing know...God wanted me to serve Him in the ministry, and the things that unfold in the next 12 months only go to completely support the supernatural calling I was blessed to go through.
God was so real to me after what I experienced over the past ten hours, and I was now ready to the ends of the earth to follow Him and do His work here on earth.
Marriage and Divorce
You don't need to be a mind reader to know that I married the young lady that led me to Jesus on Christmas Eve 1966. The two of us were married in March 1967, and we officially ended our marriage in June 1977.
However, the years between brought forth two beautiful children. Paul (III) was born in July 1968, and Carrie was a March blessing in 1970. But, along with the joy of two beautiful children came the problems within our marriage which were no different than any other "Baby Boomer".
First of all, we married young. I was 20, and she was 16. Money was a mild to moderate concern with two young children coming so quickly in our marriage. But, the main problem was religion. While I went on to complete my BA in Religion, enter the ministry, and get closer to God: the light of my life went the other way. I was so consumed with studies, and than the demands of leading a congregation that I never noticed the subtle, but, ever increasing changes in our relationship. She actually wanted me to leave the minsitry, or she would leave me. I made a choice to stay in the minsitry, and she made good on her threat.
It was actually a surprise to me when she wanted a trial separation, in order to go out and drink and party with her friends from the bank where she was an assistant manager. It was frustrating, and the strain and stress of facing a divorce, and the potential fallout it would bring to my licensing and ordination process brought my world tumbling down.
When we finally split, and she filed for divorce, I was facing professional uncertainty, and at the request of my denomination's coordinator, I resigned my license, and ended my quest for ordination.
Anger consumed me. It ate away at what little faith in God I had remaining in my heart, and I turned my eyes towards self gratification through porn and hookers. It was no secret that the world of porn and paid for sex meant I didn't have to expose my heart to more potential hurt at the hands of another woman.
I knew this was wrong, according to God's word, but, at this time in my life, I felt God had deserted me, and I wanted to "get even" with Him while I put as much distance between Him and me.
Don't get me wrong. My experiments with porn and paid sex started at least a year before my marriage officially ended in 1976. While she was going home to her parents in Texas for long periods of time, I turned to the fleshly urges within, and allowed illicit sexual sin to get its foothold in my life. I was not a saint by any means...I was human, and that scared me more than anything else.
Just how could my life go so far from its initial calling? After all, I had the supernatural events of Christmas Eve to nail my faith to. I had the supernatural events that led to my being honorably discharged from the US Army, and keeping me from being sent to Viet Nam. I had the supernatural experience of seeing my college grades go from 1.57 in Junior College, to 3.88 at Azusa Pacific as I studied for the ministry. This supernatural turnaround in academic abilities was yet another sign from God that He had called me from out of the blue, and wanted me in the ministry. But marital failure was clouding my faith, and leading me down a dangerous path.
One would think that with all of these supernatural events unfolding in the course of my first tens years of spiritual life and marriage, that I'd be strong as a rock. To this day, I can't understand how the devil got such a strong hold of my heart, but he did, and now I was out on the street, so to speak, and starting a new life separate of God, my wife, my children, and the ministry I once knew I was called for.
*The Author of this Blog is REv. Paul G. Zimmer, II. Below are brief descriptions of his two current releases. If you like whatyou've read. go to the places lsited below to order your copies of the books.
Prodigal Daze outlines my call to the ministry; divorce; struggle with sexual sin and pornography; attempted suicide; and God's forgiveness and how He brought me back to His Kingdom and my return to the ministry.
Thorn Daze shares my battle to understand and live with multiple chronic diseases over the past 25 years. It shares my frustration with God in trying to get healed through applying the works of prosperity teaching to my life. I sadly discovered that while it is true that God does heal many believers, there are still those who carry thorn of pain and suffering throughout their life. And for these believers, God grants a lifetime of unconditional grace.
Both books are available on line at finer bookstores like BanresandNoble.com, Buy.com, or Amazon.com.
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