A Tribute Prayer for Ruth Graham...

Even though I have a heavy heart for Billy (Graham) and the family at this time of loss, I know they are rejoicing in their grief, as am I, because death has no longer has its "sting" when it comes to the believer.

Truly, my brother (Billy) will miss his beloved helpmate, but, he knows all to well that the portal of death is the necessary step to enter into the "blessed hope" for all believers in Jesus Christ. He knows all too well that one day he too will cross over to glory and rejoin Ruth, and for this hope we all rejoice with Billy and his family.

Father - I thank you for the promise of life after death. I thank you that when a servant leaves this world for Glory we, who are born-again, can all rejoice knowing that one day we too will take our last breath on earth and open our eyes to the glory of heaven. Be with Billy and his family. Give them peace. Give them comfort. And strengthen their personal hope and eternal resolve at this time of loss of a cherished loved one. All heaven is rejoicing for another saint, in her work on earth, has come full circle. We ask that you draw ever so close to their sides, and allow their personal faith in You to bring them through this loss with an increased faith that the day of reunion in glory for families and friends saved by grace is nearer with each beat of the human heart. Thank you Jesus for your death, resurrection, and sacrifice so we could return to the Father who sent you to die for us. Amen!!!

Pastor Paul

Sexual Sin: The Spiritual Wedge of Separation

Greetings My Brothers In the Lord,

Because "I've been there and done that" I can speak to you from the heart of experience. My past sins are nothing to be proud of, or grounds to boast upon. The plain truth is, I screwed up my walk with the Lord once I crossed over that line in the sand moving into the dark world of porn and sexual sin.

My (first) marriage was nearing its end. My ex-wife was in Texas visiting her parents more than she was in the house we once called home. Our attempts at marriage counseling failed because she claimed the therapist was siding with me (he was a male). In order to appease her, and get her back into counseling, I suggested we request a female counselor, and she wholeheartedly agreed.

This round of marital counseling went several weeks, and again she found fault with the counselor. Her accusation was that the counselor and I were flirting with each other, and the counselor was once again taking my side.

After a handful of counseling sessions, I raised the white flag up the pole, and it was now only a matter of time before the divorce papers would become a reality. This was sad, because we had two children, nearly ten years of marriage, and I was on the fast track to be ordained by the Church of God-Anderson , Indiana.

The fact that we had no sexual contact for almost two years (prior to our final separation), and I was simply "horny". led me break my vows to her and God when I turned to those adult video stores and massage parlors. I don't want you to think my morphing from child of God to pervert was easy...in actuality it was filled with guilt, because I knew I was to live a Holy life, and this was not the grounds for Holy living...

I am not going to blame my ex for driving me to this sexual sin, because I knew the difference between right and wrong according to God's will for my life. It was simply my flesh taking control (a spiritual coup) of the temple within me, and crossing that line in the sand, time after time.

A little note to all of you who are dabbling with the dark side...it grows easier and easier to commit sexual sin with each response to its beckoning call. What I needed was an ear that I could turn to and confess. I needed someone with the fellowship that I could share my sin with and get help getting beyond this point in life. Sadly, I had no one to turn to, because I knew within my heart that no one would understand. I feared judgment, :poke: where I needed love. So down the path I ran. I ran so fast into the arms of my new lover (porn and sexual sin), that I couldn't stop to take a look back at what I was leaving.

Like the prodigal son, I cashed out from my Father, and went to do my sin on my own bidding. As I look back, I thought for sure that my Father would have fought harder for me to stay, and I was surprised to see how He let me go.

I guess that adage is true: "If you truly love someone, let them go, and if it were meant to be, they'd return." God let me head south, knowing I'd be back, and He'd be waiting with a ring and robe in hand...

I would return, in about 14 years, but there has been tons of personal damage done by my sin. So much damage that I am, to this day, like an alcoholic who has to take it one-day-at-a-time. Sexual addiction took it's toll on my soul, and while I am forgiven, sexual sin and temptation remains the weakest link in my body armor. I have to live each day, cognizant of that repaired spot in my armor, and that means protecting it with prayer and keeping a vigilant, yet constant watch on that part in my armor.

This is the impetus behind my book Prodigal Daze (removethehaze.com), as well as the ministry my wife and I operate: Airlift Music:eusa_dance: Ministry. We want to help restore those who have been left for dead along side the road to Glory. We love to move in the ministry of restoration, because restoration is the key to getting men and women back on that narrow road to the even more narrow door which leads to heaven.

The final years of marriage to my ex led me to all kinds of sexual sin. Everything from Porn, to massage parlors, to actual pay for sex acts. As a pastor, and a believer in the Lord, I knew I had crossed that line in the sand, and in truth, I didn't see a chance for me to return. On top of that, the brothers that I finally confided in told me I was like a broken vessel that God would never be able to repair and use.

This drove me deeper into the abyss of sexual sin (because I wanted to drive a wedge between God and myself), and in a way it was okay with me: after all, wasn't it God's fault that this marriage went south? I was a man of God. A man with a definite calling on his ministry mantle, and God stood by and let this marriage go straight to hell. So if this marriage and divorce were sending me to hell, why not go in style? The sexual sin was filled with momentary pleasure, and each pleasure brought me to the point that I actually wanted more. My hunger for porn and subsequent sexual acts were leading me to thoughts about experimenting with homosexual sex acts. The temptation to experiment with gay sex came from the gay porn that I'd view in those booths. The longer I went to adult porn stores, the more hungry I grew to have different and more exciting sexual liaisons.

As you can clearly see, my innocent experimentation in the field of Porn 101 had led me to wanting to change my major in life from Religious studies to Sexual Addiction. This change in direction resulted in more risqué types of porn, and searching out people to experiment with.
My life was a mess, and it took my attempted suicide in April 1987 to shake me up and get me out of that lifestyle and back to God.

I can only hope that any of you who are dabbling with the thoughts of viewing porn (soft or hard core XXX) give it up and run back to the Father for forgiveness and restoration. Those of you having sex before marriage (fornication), or after (adultery), drop to your knees, repent, and rebuke the hold of the devil on your life. What ever momentary pleasure of self-gratification you may be enjoying now, will lead you down the path of spiritual self-destruction. The Scripture tells us that our sin causes the Spirit to grieve. Ephesians 4:30 - "And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God [do not offend or vex or sadden Him], by Whom you were sealed (marked, branded as God's own, secured) for the day of redemption (of final deliverance through Christ from evil and the consequences of sin)." The Amplified Bible.

If I had it to do all over again, knowing what I know now, I'd definitely do things different. So, pay heed to my life as an example of a life that went terribly wrong; and once it goes wrong in deed and action, it can never be like it was. None of those sinful pleasures has eternal good; just eternal bad. Today is the day of salvation (2 Corinthians 6:2 - For He says, In the time of favor (of an assured welcome) I have listened to and heeded your call, and I have helped you on the day of deliverance (the day of salvation). Behold, now is truly the time for a gracious welcome and acceptance [of you from God]; behold, now is the day of salvation!"

Selah and Shalom,

Pastor Paul

Living With Pain: Trusting God

My Fellow-Sojourners in the War to Defeat Sin, Satan and Physical Pain:

I was playing hooking from church this past Sunday, as I have been experiencing "severe" pain for several straight days (which is not in any way unusual). The pain was that kind that stared straight into my eyes, and laughed at my attempt to quash it with morphine. In fact, there are times that the spirit of severe pain, not only laughs-out-loud, but, yells: "You foolish mortal."

If you don't mind, I'd like to explain and compare my pain to my fellowship with Jesus. Just when I think I've obtained that illusive pinnacle of spiritual growth and standing in His Kingdom on earth, He (God) quickly quashes my spiritual pride which humbles me where I stand. This humbling experience sends me running back to the Bible and kicking down the throttle of revival like prayer.Well this is how pain is...just when I think I've experienced the very worst possible pain, the spirit of suffering comes rushing back at me; gets into my face: and as we look deep into each others eyes, it becomes abundantly clear that this new round of neurological pain is simply another front in the battle to survive. It is at that percise moment that I realize there is so much more (pain) in store for me in the days to come.

This type of physical pain and suffering truly tests my faith, and candidly speaking, it humbles me and tends to shake the dead leaves of the limbs of my tree of faith. Remember, this tree of faith is a tree that flourishes with faith and hope. However, physical set backs make it abundantly clear that the renewed spirit of pain and suffering has once again shown me that the best is yet to come....and this is the only answer I have for the raging pain that comes back after two or three days of respite.

Unfortunately, I have resigned myself to living with pain...because everything else I've tried, which includes: faith healers; prayers of recognised prophets and pastors; and anointing with oil. the truth is, I can't even tell you how many times I've been anointed and prayed over, but, let's just say this: I've had so much oil placed on the forehead, the top of head, and other points of my body, that I shouldn't have buy oil for my car again.

Don't get me wrong. I remain strong even though the intensity of the pain grows, and like Paul, I will not let this thorn keep me from the work of the Gospel...And just like the Apostle Paul, I have resigned myself to simply ask God for His grace to sustain me through the worst of it, while I give Him praise for those small times of respite and remission.

Still, life isn't fair, but, God did promise that He'd not test any of us beyond our limits, and I believe this with all my heart. Over the years, I've learned to remind Him, when the pain rages out of control like a wildfire being blown by the wind, that the test/pain feels like it's reached that point where you promised to not allow it to breach. This allows me to testify that when I remind Him of this promise He does relieve the pain, making it more tolerable.

Praise the Lord, Selah !! Jehovah Rapha, my God the Healer...never fails, even though He has chosen to not remove (heal) this thorn.So, my fellow believers in Jesus, when it comes to pain, the best is yet to come...because each day brings me closer to the portals of death; and those portals will lead me into a land of eternal peace. That portal will lead me to a place where God gives me a glorified body; a body that will know no pain, heartache, or fear. I'm pretty confident that there will be no pain in heaven, and it is that confidence that keeps me moving forward.

Selah and Shalom,

In the Army Now

My personal anxiety grew to a fever pitch, as I stared out the window of the bus, and the closer we came to our arrival point, the more knotted my stomach was. I was so wound that I jumped out of my skin when a guy from the other side of the aisle yelled out that he could see barracks. Sure enough, as I looked out that side of the bus I too could make out the silhouette of barracks and military vehicles through the darkness and fog. Within a matter of minutes of that discovery, we were surrounded by an endless number of barracks and military buildings.
As we drove down narrow streets dimly lit by the sparsely placed street lights, I was able to make out some of the signs in front of the buildings. There was a commissary, base hospital, Judge Advocate General's Office, and numerous mess halls. As the speed of the bus decreased, to a crawl, the sound of its diesel engines were whining even louder, which added to my anxiety as I knew we were within minutes of disembarking the safe confines of the bus, and my personal nightmare would be set in motion.
My stomach had twisted itself up in so many knots that a nausea feeling crept over me as the screeching sound of the bus's airbrakes signaled we had arrived. We had finally pulled into an area that was so well lit that the coastal fog was driven back to the sea. As we sat in the bus, the mood of those around me was rather subdues, and almost somber. It was apparent that no one was looking forward to getting off the bus that morning.
As I looked out the window of the bus, I couldn't help but see the same large banner that many of the others were already looking at. On my side of the bus, stretched between two light poles, was a bright red sign with large white letters that welcomed us to the United States Army Reception Station at Fort Ord, California. I finally knew where we were going, because the sign was quite informative. To this day, I still don't understand why our destination had to be so secretive. After we arrived we knew where we were, and eventually we would be letting our families know where we were. All the cloak-and-dagger leading up to our arrival at Fort Ord made no sense; unless the army was afraid, the enemies of this country would commandeer our bus, and take us hostage.
Whatever, we were there, and though we were left sitting on the bus for another fifteen to twenty minutes, once those two foul mouth drill sergeants came aboard the bus a spirit of intimidation came with them. They began shouting, cussing, and pulling guys out of their seats. Their objective to have all of us get off of bus could have been better accomplished without all of the colorful language, and physical intimidation. It became quite apparent that these guys did not intend to warmly welcome us to the U.S. Army.
Actually, the street language they used to describe our mothers, and our physical and mental potentials, were new to my limited and often sheltered vocabulary. To be honest, if their intention was to intimidate and offend, they deserved a passing grade. From where I sat, all I could see were the bodies of scared young men being physically pushed and tossed off of the bus, so, as they approached where I was sitting, I prepared to jump up and run off that bus, because that's what they seemed to want.
The nightmare of military service had just begun. What happened on the bus a few minutes earlier was tame in comparison to what came next. We were ordered to stand at attention, while another sergeant exited the only building we could see due to the bright lights shining down in our faces. This guy was even larger than the first two that yelled, yanked, and kicked us off the bus. He must have been the head sergeant, because he stood before us, and read us the riot act. I was amused with the thought that maybe these guys were angry for having to get up so early in the morning and greet us. But in the midst of my self amusement, I watched in horror as a sergeant grabbed one recruit by the neck and asked him to tell the group why he was smiling. Any thought of smiling, or smirking was quickly eradicated from my mind.
Of course, when you try not to laugh or smile, the human mind, at that time of the morning, will work against your best efforts, and pretty soon more than half of the group had cracked smiles, and some were even laughing, This only caused "Sergeant Gorilla" to become totally enraged, but because one guys smile had become a case of infectious mass hysteria, all he could do was make us do a hundred push ups while he ranted and raved something about respecting our leaders.
The above blog is taken from Chapter 3 of Prodigal Daze. Prodigal Daze can be purchased exclusively at www.buy.com of www.barnesandnoble.com under my name: Rev. Paul G. Zimmer, II. Thanks for your support....:)